Why people have affairs?
Speak about a loaded topic that no one wants to chat about, that’s it. Funny thing, extramarital affairs have been going on since ancient times. Extramarital affairs can be loaded with evils, cause sorrow, and other problems. Plus you have to wrap your brain around all the other issues, there’s that truth and frankness issue, finances, age difference, spiritual upbringing, remorse, and on and on. I expect there will be some strong opinions about some of this.
For the purpose of this post I should define an affair as a long term, maybe months long relationship of a sexual nature between two people of whom one or both are married to other persons, dating married woman.
Why do people have extramarital affairs? There are as many answers as there are seek an extramarital affair. I am sure typically though it is only the human condition, the need for affection, belonging, to be wanted and cared for, the caring for others and wanting to be loved and loved. Here are a few reasons I have run across.
Physically we as human beings are all sexual beings. Nature has us set up to reproduce, to have sex. Sex is enjoyable and fun, and sex makes us flee the real world for a brief period of time. This euphoria exists for whatever amount of time we are able to keep the adrenalin levels high enough. Some people can switch the longing on and off, some are good at controlling it and others are so-so at best. But we all have it, young and old, able bodied and not so able. It is the Human condition. For some of us it is the sex act itself that drives us. For some of us it is the exhilaration of the hunt. For some of us it is the seduction, for some it is the caring for another being, for some it is the desire to be appreciatedloved, for some it is the total romance thing. These desires and yearnings can be so strong they prevail over the taboos society has erected against married dating. For many individuals the yearnings will defeat their fears and make them risk the anger of not only their family, but the public too. So why, what is the method?
Sex Addicts, maybe some of us are. Sex is terribly pleasant, better then drugs, a natural high. If you are in this group of physically driven sex addicts and can find away to have an affair and not harm your relatives or anybody else? You would need to reduce the risk you are taking. If you have the attitude that a good affair is one that is advantageous to all, then good luck.
No love at home, or no romance. I think this is the largest grouping, huge really. There are many couples whose marital relationships is over, except they are happy in the way they live, and upsetting the extended families is not on their list of things they wish to do. You love your other half but there is no romance. Then there are the kids to consider. Your finances are so knotted. You need the medical insurance, and so on. There are a lot of reasons to be jointly besides love and sex.
Bodily reasons, there are some people who can not have sex. They have physical circumstances that stop them completing the sex act, at least not with their othere half. An affair from time to time solves the problem while keeping the marriage whole.
Neglect, sadly this is a regular cause I fear. One or the other, generally the guy is sexually neglecting his woman for a large humber of reasons. As a male I really appreciate you guys neglecting your girls and making them available to us men of romance, making them “hot wives” But I still think it is despicable that you are neglectful. Then there is the spouse who is neglectful until the wife or husband has an affair, then they condemn them for doing so, when they where the catalyst. Those who neglect, then condemn, are not just neglectful, but malevolent.
Something is just misplaced in the marriage, I can not put my finger on it, but its not there. Maybe its romance that is missing, maybe it is a shortage of love, could be caring is gone, maybe it is the closeness, could be neglect. Could be we have simply grown apart, our common concerns diverged. Maybe it is that what I want, and what I want to do the rest of my life, is contradictory of what you want. Maybe I simply don’t know what I want from the marriage anymore. Maybe, just maybe I miss that feeling that when I am with you, it just feels right.
The ultimate reason people give is, they seek the passion that is missing and so very much longed for.
There are other reasons, the feeling of power, to escape, for economic gain, for retribution and so on. I am sure there are more reasons why people have affairs then these. I only stop because if this gets too long no one will read it.